How to spice up your long-term relationship

Sex is an essential component of a healthy and fulfilling marriage.

In a long-term relationship like marriage, maintaining a healthy and vibrant sexual connection is crucial. Over time, routines, stress, and daily responsibilities can take a toll on intimacy, but with effort and communication, couples can keep the spark alive in their relationship.

Here are 10 strategies to help reignite the passion in your marriage:

• PRIORITIZE COMMUNICATION
  
  Effective communication is the foundation of a strong and passionate marriage. Talk openly with your partner about your desires, fantasies, and concerns regarding your sexual life. Create a safe and non-judgmental space for such conversations.
  
  For example, one partner may share their wish to try new positions or explore a specific fantasy, while the other discusses what they feel comfortable with or would like to try as well.
  
  

You can talk about what turns you on, share fantasies you would like to act out together, or discuss any role-playing scenarios that excite you. 

Here are a few examples to inspire you:

- "After our last time together, I loved when we tried that new approach. What did you think about it? Is there anything else you'd like to try?"

- "I've noticed we haven't been as intimate lately, and I want us to feel closer. Is there anything on your mind that you'd like to share?"

- "I've always had this fantasy of role-playing. Would you be open to trying that with me sometime?"

• SCHEDULE INTIMACY
  
  It's important to make time for each other despite busy schedules. Plan regular date nights or weekends together to focus on your relationship and bring back the excitement in your marriage.
  
  For example, you can plan a weekend getaway every few months to explore new places and enjoy intimate time together.
  
  

• EXPLORE TOGETHER
  
  Keep things exciting by exploring new experiences and activities together. Experiment with different techniques, positions, or settings to reignite your connection.
  
  

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• PHYSICAL AFFECTION
  
  Hugs, kisses, and cuddling are important to keep your bond strong. These actions show love and pave the way for deeper intimacy.
  

  
  1. Giving your partner a warm hug before leaving for work or when they return home.

  2. Planting a gentle kiss on their forehead, cheek, or lips to express affection and closeness.

  3. Snuggling up on the couch while watching TV or reading a book together.

  4. Holding hands while taking a walk or sitting side by side during a quiet moment.

  5. Engaging in playful physical touch, like a casual shoulder rub or a loving caress on the arm.

• EMOTIONAL CONNECTION
  
  Show love, appreciation, and support to your partner every day. A strong emotional bond is key to a happy and exciting sexual relationship.

  
  Showing affection, saying "I love you," and demonstrating care through gestures, such as hugs, kisses, or compliments, reaffirms the emotional connection between partners. These small acts of love create a sense of security, warmth, and closeness within the relationship.
  
  Here's how you can show your love:
  
  - Leaving love notes for your partner to find.

  - Sending a thoughtful text message expressing love and appreciation.

  - Random acts of kindness like preparing their favorite meal or surprising them with a small gift.
  
  
  Appreciating your partner's efforts and qualities nurtures mutual respect and strengthens your emotional bond, fostering a supportive partnership.

  Here are simple and amazing ways to demonstrate gratitude towards your partner:

  - Expressing gratitude for the little things your partner does.

  - Complimenting your partner on their achievements and qualities.

  - Thanking them for their support and understanding during hard times.
  
  
  Being there for your partner also means a lot. Offering support in good and tough times helps build trust and closeness in your relationship.
  
  Listen carefully when your partner talks and be supportive. Assist them with tasks to make things easier for them.

• SELF-CARE
  
  Make sure to look after yourself physically and mentally. Doing things that make you feel happy and healthy (like exercising, relaxing, eating well, sleeping enough) can boost your confidence and bring you closer to your partner. This, in turn, can make you more confident and improve your connection with your partner.
  
  Make your happiness a priority and do things that make you feel amazing. Have fun all night without worrying about the time to get back home. Even though your kids have a bedtime, you can still enjoy a night out once in a while. Enjoy the freedom and allowing yourself to go out!

• VARIETY AND NOVELTY
  
  Inject excitement into your sex life by introducing variety and novelty. Try different activities, role-playing scenarios, or sensual experiences to keep your intimate moments fresh and engaging. You can bring in adult toys or accessories and explore sensual activities like massages or baths together for a more sexual connection.

• MAINTAIN SPONTANEITY
  
  While planning intimate moments is important, don't underestimate the power of spontaneity. Surprise your partner with unexpected gestures of love and passion to keep the excitement alive in your marriage.

 
By implementing these tips and staying attuned to each other's needs, couples can nurture a passionate and loving connection that lasts a lifetime. It's time to prioritize your intimacy and keep the spark alive in your marriage.

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About the author

Charlotte Cambell
Sex and relationship coach who works with people dealing with issues of sexual trauma and sexual disorders.